After three months of maternity leave, I really got into a groove with being a mom.
Now I'm back at square one: I need to learn how to be a working mom.
There were so many emotions leading up to coming back. I got all the crying done the night before, when I told Wesley to save all his best smiles for me when I come home.
We've settled into quite a routine already. I get home from my day job in time to clock in for the "night shift": dinner, bath time at 7:30 p.m. followed by up to five zombie-like awakenings to feed the baby at night. Then I get him ready to leave with Daddy in the morning by 7 a.m.
Luckily, I have a husband who helps me with all this (how did my single mom do it?) Already we both feel like it's a grind. That's a bad feeling to have after two weeks, right?
But what I never truly realized is that being a full-time mommy is just as hard.
People would make comments while I was on leave - "How's your life of leisure?" "Wow, what do you do all day?" But they didn't understand.
I had the delusions, too. Before the baby came, I thought I could catch up with my scrapbooking, maybe read a bunch of books while I was gone. (I even had delusions I would keep up with writing this column once a week.)
The truth was, I couldn't even balance my checkbook without being interrupted by a crying baby.
I did have one Stay-at-home Mom Fantasy Day: Baby woke once during the night, I worked out and ate a pancake breakfast in the morning, took a shower, strolled around The Fountains and had lunch at Whole Foods (while the baby slept the whole time!).
But this was not a day-to-day reality. The reality was there were days I couldn't wait to get back to my editor job so I could get a break from the most demanding "boss" I'd ever had.
Michelle Carl is the editor of the Roseville Press Tribune and Wesley's mom. Rosebuds appears on Mondays.